Being the victim of abuse growing up, I resent my mother and step-dad to this day, but, it wasn’t until I became an adult and tried to understand it all that I started to realize how far down the chain it truly goes. Having had the chance to speak to family members on my mother’s side, I learnt that all of them have experienced abuses, both physical and psychological, and that largely things are a lot more complex than they appear.
I know I’ve personally made my life about trying to become better, to “break the chain”, to learn to cope and deal with the issues rather than burying them and allowing them to control me in hidden ways. But that’s not always a choice everyone can make, and the hardest part of all of this for me was the realization that it’s all about control, gaining control over others, so they can feel that they have control over themselves.
Despite the fact that this will lead to the same result, over and over again, that primal instinct to fight back, to take control, is the truest driving force behind all of this, it is essentially the key to understanding abuse, especially when the abuse is generational. And it can take a lot of courage and strength to overcome the desire for this shallow level of control, something not everyone can muster.
But, I’m hoping as society continues to heal, and as these issues continue to be identified and understood, that the future will lead to something that we can all feel happy about, something where gaslighting and manipulation have a harder time taking root. It will take all of us to make this happen however, to call out these issues and truly shine a light on them as what they are.